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The Ritual Sacrifice of Robert Kardashian

Ya’ll. I had no idea that my love of pop punk and grungy guys would lead me here, yet I have arrived. With MGK and Megan Fox, Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian, and now my beloved Pete and Kim…I felt an itch to know what existed on the other side of the fence. Maybe my punk roots shouldn’t be so quick to judge the reality television royal family.

For the last month I’ve been doing a lot of working at home and I have been playing the Kardashians in the background pretty much all day. Before this experience I have never watched a single episode, and now the Kardashians are prevalent in my dreams because they’re on throughout the day. I tried to keep an open mind, after all my 30s have taught me nothing if not open mindedness. For the first few seasons I found myself developing a respect for none other than OG Momager Kris Jenner.

Hear me out for a second – do I believe that Kris Jenner leaked her own daughter’s sex tape in order to launch her family into super stardom? Absolutely. Do I believe that she pushes her children hard in order to make drama and fame for them? Of course. But at the end of the day – her children are incredibly wealthy and live in mansions. I kept thinking to myself – can I judge this woman who will die with a checkered moral path but left her children in incredible positions of power?

Enter…Robert Kardashian’s breakdown on camera. It begins with some emotional breakdowns on camera followed by some weight gain, and was addressed by the family with a televised therapy session in which all but Kourtney say, repeatedly, “I don’t believe in therapy but if it helps Robert…”

Eventually Robert is hiding out in a room of Khloe’s house, he disappears for several seasons but his name comes up regularly as Kris says, often, that she cries herself to sleep “every single night” because one of her children is unhappy. They’re constantly trying to get him to come out of his room and on camera.

He had his ups and downs throughout the seasons, most noticeably when he started a relationship with Blac Chyna and she seemed to “get him out of his shell” and he started coming out more and more. Everything surrounding their relationship, from the very beginning, was steeped in the exact kind of drama that makes for great reality television. Chyna was the baby mama of Kylie’s beau Tyga and to all appearances Tyga left Chyna for Kylie. It almost seems like someone somewhere orchestrated this…

After his relationship with Chyna disintegrated Rob disappeared once more, this time with his child Dream.

The Kardashians could have paused filming for a few years, allowed Rob to come up for air and supported him. But millions are not enough, Kris Jenner strives for her children to have billions. She wanted this so badly for her family that she sacrificed her son for her daughters’ successes.

I’m nearly done with the E! show, and as I watch Kourtney try to set boundaries around her family and Kim and Khloe tell her that she should stop seeing her therapist because she’s “becoming a different person” I can’t help but wonder…who will be the next to get their throat slit at the altar?

Categories: Hulu Television

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