A few weeks ago, I caught the film Vice on Hulu, and who can resist a good 2+ hour performance by the dynamic duo Christian Bale and Amy Adams? I’ve discovered the best way to watch a long movie is in two parts: enjoy the first act on one night, and follow up with the second act the next. I highly recommend this method, and I highly recommend you watch Vice at your earliest opportunity.

The film follows the life of Dick Cheney, starting when he was a ne’er do well in Wyoming, nearly losing his darling love because he can’t get his shit together. We see him start work in the Republican Party and find success, not because he was following his deep set beliefs, but because he knew how to work the system. He knew how to read people, and he knew that no one cared to listen to a white guy who spoke in the most boring monotone to ever exist.

The point that the film (albeit biasly) drives home, is that Dick Cheney used his epic blandness to his advantage. He learned that in his anonymity, he could pull the strings and no one would be any the wiser simply because they didn’t care to know.

The film achieved its goal, it put Dick Cheney on my radar. As I have watched the events of 2021 unfold so far, I can’t help but wonder if he is part of the reason that we are in the mess that we’re in right now. While Dick Cheney never publicly condemned his daughter, Mary, when she came out as a lesbian, he effectively killed her with his silence. He never disowned her nor did he ever march for her rights, and while he loved her behind the scenes he supported legislators that did not support her right to live and love as she desired. I don’t know about you, but 2020 taught me that silence is the real killer. You can combat open hostility, you can defend yourself when someone attacks you. But how can you fight when your opponent isn’t making the moves themselves?

The reality that the movie suggests is that boring, monotone white men have been putting us to sleep on TV while throwing around their considerable weight behind the scenes to keep us all from getting healthcare, free education, and in some cases – basic human rights. For the first fifteen years of the new millenium we were ignoring Republicans because they didn’t hold our attention.

You know who was paying attention, Trump supports-to-be. They were picking up every euphemism for racism, classism, and ableism, that the Republican party was throwing out like scraps for the puppies out back. For a history of the political euphemism, I highly suggest giving this video a watch.

Now I’ve been wondering for awhile now, who is really pulling the strings behind all of this? I never considered myself a conspiracy theorist, but with the events of the last five years, how can I not? How can I not wonder how we reached the boiling point of today?

Now, stick with me here – what if the Trump supports-to-be were growing discontent with the veiled references, or what if they were becoming a dying breed? The boring, monotone white men needed to throw them a bone and slam the down all at once. So why not promote the most outrageous option, and then lead him like a lamb to slaughter. They motivate their base and give the liberals a sacrifice so we all think the problem is dead and we stop paying attention yet again.

I fully accept my current status as a full blown conspiracy blogger with this one. The only difference between me and the stereotype is my breasts and the fact instead of Mt. Dew Code Red, I’m drinking a brut rose/cranberry juice mimosa. (Here’s hoping to launch the genre of “basic bitch conspiracy theorist” to fame). But what if I am right? And what if Dick Cheney did unlock this great secret to controlling power, and someone else thought of a way to raise and then bury the conservative excentrists, and now we’re all just playing into their hands?

All of these thoughts keep rolling around my head as I read about Liz Cheney denouncing Trump for inciting the riot. Her words echo that of another potential 2022 republic nominee hopeful, Mitt Romney. And I just can’t help but wonder if this is all part of a plan.

Anyway, watch Vice, tell me if you agree. We can all start a liberal conspiracy cult to rival QAnon.

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